It’s almost Mother’s Day, a well-deserved celebration of all the sacrifices mothers make, all of the love, time and energy that they give of themselves. For me, this year’s celebration holds even more importance. After struggling to get pregnant for years, I will never forget the moment I first held my daughter in my arms. The moment Stella was born was hands down the best moment of my life. I cannot properly describe what I felt in that moment because it was so surreal. It made me realize what is really important and meaningful in life… Trying for a baby is supposed to be an exciting time, but for those struggling with infertility it can be an exhausting, heartbreaking and stressful time, full of feelings of hopelessness, failure and grief. I know, I’ve been there.
Struggling to have a baby is something I never imagined going through. Regular morning visits to the fertility clinic, injections, medications, blood tests, monitoring my follicle production and praying my body responds – I was not prepared for this. As someone who likes to have things in control, this threw me way off course. I could plan as much as I wanted, but this was something that I had absolutely no say in. I had to wait. There was even a point where a doctor told me I had a very small chance of having my own baby and that I should start looking into other options. It was heartbreaking. I remember feeling like my body was failing me. I felt broken. I felt like a failure. It sometimes took everything in me to put a smile on my face. Nothing else seemed to matter. Getting pregnant was the only thing I thought about. And as much as I wanted to share my story and my feelings, I kept it mostly to myself. I knew I wasn’t alone, that there are many women in my position but let’s be honest, no one wants to talk about it. No one wants to admit she needs help getting pregnant. It’s a lonely, lonely place. And then one day at the clinic, I met somebody I knew and she has opened up to me about her own infertility struggles. She has been struggling to get pregnant for a lot longer than I have and yet remained so optimistic and strong all along the way. And that is honestly what has helped get me through my darkest days.
It’s because of the women who are willing to talk about their own fertility struggles that I’ve been able to cope with mine.
Fast forward to this year, I now have my daughter and a day never goes by where I don’t feel so grateful and lucky to have her in my life. I am telling my story in hopes that it helps others so they know they are not alone. We often don’t openly share our struggles because of some outrageous notion that we’ve done something wrong to deserve it. We haven’t.
… and thank you Brano, best husband ever, for being there right with me throughout!